Senator Cabral’s secretary was Susyn Fletcher. She pronounced it Susan. We had been together for several days before I realized that it had such an affected spelling. She was a tiny dynamo – not more than five feet one, certainly under a hundred pounds, with shoulder length bleached blonde hair in constant disarray. She was smiling when I met her; her personality was like a freshly uncorked bottle of champagne. She looked and acted like a much deflated Dolly Parton, minus the countrified accent.

She stuck out her hand. It was almost lost in mine. She laughed and said, “Well, didn’t Raven pick herself a big one.”

“She didn’t exactly pick me. She fell into my clutches.”

“Poor girl!” You could see that she didn’t think it was such a terrible fate. Susyn Fletcher was good for the ego. “Where is she?”

“Gone. She left this morning. No forwarding address.”

“Oh.” Susyn’s liquid violet eyes went from fun to personal concern with the speed of light. No doubt, she was an invaluable asset to Senator Cabral. In ten seconds she had me feeling like a lifelong friend. She asked,”What happened.”

“We had a personality conflict.”

“I’m sorry for the two of you, but what rotten timing! I really need to find her and take her home. She is in danger here.”

Susyn grabbed my hand and said briskly, “Lets go. I want to get out of here.” Sudden decision and brisk movement were the signature of her character. “Let’s eat. Where is a good restaurant?”

So, for the second time in two days, I found myself sitting in a streetside cafe with a lively young woman. This could become addictive. Susyn filled me in on what had been happening in the States. Senator Cabral had gone straight to the regional head of the FBI, who was an old friend from the Senator’s FBI days. They had launched an investigation and five days later it turned up paydirt.

Susyn placed her fork neatly across the rim of her plate and asked, “Ian, did Raven tell you that she had hired a private investigator?”

“Yes. While we were at sea we discussed her background, trying to find some reason for that first attack. She said she had once hired a private eye to look into someone on her father’s staff, but he had not reported back to her.”

“Did she tell whom she had had investigated?”

“No. I asked her, but she wouldn’t tell me.”

Susyn nodded and gave a brief, sparkling smile. “Good girl. Raven and the Senator don’t always get along too well. You knew that?”

“Of course.”

“Yes. Well, even though they fight a lot, she still respects him and tries not to be a political burden. Part of that role is learning never to say anything bad about anyone, if you can avoid it. Everyone in government needs to learn that lesson. If you engage in too much office gossip, it will stand in the way of advancement.”

I put my hand on her arm to interrupt the breathless dialog, and said, “Susyn, you’re losing me.”

“Oops, I’m getting ahead of myself. Raven did not engage in needless gossip; she didn’t give you the name of the person she was investigating. It was Guadalupe Rodriquez, one of Senator Cabral’s secretaries.”

She was watching my face as she said the name. Beneath the friendliness and the mischief, she was watching for signs. Of what, I could not tell. I’m sure my expression didn’t change, because the name was completely new to me. Susyn went on without a break, “The private eye followed her for a week and found out she was meeting with a fellow known to work for a local contractor and investor named Adrian Brock. This Brock’s construction company is not his main source of income. He is also deeply into agriculture. He owns plantations which produce hundreds of tons of California’s most lucrative crop.”

That would be marijuana, of course. I said, “Raven would have told me that.”

“Yes,” Susyn agreed vigorously, “if she had known. But the P.I. actually sent the results of his investigation to Brock for a hefty cash settlement. Raven never knew.”

Susyn paused while the waiter brought coffee. The rain had relented and pedestrians were moving about again. Raven and I had sat like this, just yesterday, talking, laughing, and watching Paris stride proudly past. I dragged my thoughts back and concentrated on what Susyn was saying. more tomorrow

“All right, so I dominate everybody. But that doesn’t make it hurt any less.”

“And it doesn’t make you a failure as a man. Chances are she will go running to some weakling. She also needs to dominate.”

Was Eric a weakling? He was tall, athletic, and ruggedly handsome. Yet there had been something passive about his approach to life. When he told us that Paris was a tough gig, there had been something essentially accepting in his voice. And his answer had been to move on.

Will hesitated before adding, “I learned about you two that day on the beach. It was pure competition. I was just a game piece; you two were the players. You won the battle that day, but you also lost the war.”

“Right!”

“Well?”

“Well what?”

“Are you going to let her go gracefully, or are you going to go chasing after her, mess up your life, and make an ass of yourself?”

I had to smile, and it was the first time that day. “Make an ass of myself, I guess,” I said.

“I thought so. Well, I have some news about Raven.”

“What?”

“Senator Cabral’s secretary is flying to Paris to pick her up. It seems that the Senator has some kind of line on her attackers.”

What? I hadn’t told Will where I was calling from. “Why Paris?” I snapped.

Will laughed. “If you remember,” he said, “when you got on the train, that’s where you said you were going. I know you were going to do some train shifting, but I couldn’t tell anyone else. So wherever you are, there is a young woman in Paris waiting to take Raven off your hands. Too bad you lost her.”

“What’s the matter with you!”

“The more I think about that day on the beach, the more I resent the way I was used. Not by Raven. She was a stranger, and she was fighting for her life. By you! My friend. Shit!”

I slammed the receiver down.

#          #          #

I walked to the American embassy. It was a good five miles. By the time I arrived, I had worked off some of my anger, and I knew that Will was right. He had a good eye for human motivations, and a good heart. If there was anyone whose opinion I could trust, it was his, and he knew me better than anyone else ever had.

It only made me more crazy. I had never wanted a woman to keep house and raise kids. I wanted a woman with fire and courage, one who would conspire with me to make life an adventure. Raven was that kind of woman, and she had run from me. Worse, she had not been driven away by insensitivity, or an ill-considered phrase, or anything I could change. She had been driven away by me, by what was the essential part of my soul. more tomorrow

Chapter Sixteen

It would be hard to recount the next few hours. I was not thinking; not really feeling. I wandered around Paris on the same streets we had walked together yesterday and relived my months with Raven. I was too far gone to analyze. I simply watched a rerun in my mind, feeling again everything I had ever felt for her.

I came to two conclusions:  she had never felt for me what I had felt for her, and I was not going to give up so easily. I also came to suspect that if I wanted to see her again, I should find Eric Sangøy.

I caught a bus to the hostel where Eric had been staying. The concierge remembered him. He had checked out three hours ago, accompanied by a beautiful, dark young woman. Her clothing? A tied off blouse and short pleated skirt. She was the kind one remembered clearly. He had no idea where they had been going.

The lounge of the hostel was nearly empty. It was almost time for the daily lockout; while the place was being cleaned, its occupants were not allowed inside. I asked around, and it seemed that everyone knew Eric. He had been friendly to everyone, and open about his plans. He would be going to Luisanne next. If I wanted to know more, there were two or three people he had been particularly close to. I should come back tonight, when everyone was here.

Before I left, I checked in for the night. Then I rode out to the campground. It was a tedious journey; a long walk to the station, a metro ride to the end of the line, a long wait and a longer bus ride to the edge of the city. I fidgeted in the seat and watched the rain slap at the bus window. The campground was a sea of mud, pebbled with soggy tents. Breaking camp in the rain was no fun. Packing Will’s sleeping bag was less fun. It still smelled of Raven.

I shouldered my pack and carried Will’s over my arm. I stood under the shelter, waiting for the bus back to the city. The rain came in slantwise with the wind and wet me to the knees. Half a dozen couples were waiting with me, holding close with soft, intimate voices cooing maddeningly behind me. I stared into the rain until the bus came.

Before I got on the Metro, I phoned Will at the consulate in Marseilles. He asked how Raven was.

“Gone,” I replied.

“Gone where?”

“I don’t know. She left me without warning. All I have is a note.”

“Did she say why she left or where she was going?”

“No. Not where she was going. She said why, but it didn’t make any sense to me.”

I could almost see his sad smile. He said, “Of course it wouldn’t make sense to you, Ian.”

“What does that mean?”

“Did you really think she would stay with you long? Come on, man. She was putting distance between you when you were here. It was only a matter of time.”

“You didn’t like her!” My voice sounded childish, even in my own ears.

“Actually, I liked her a lot. Besides being good looking, she was also a very interesting and independent person. Too independent for you.”

“That’s what she said in the note. I don’t understand; I never tried to dominate her.”

Will didn’t say anything. There is nothing like the hum of telephone silence to make you face the lies you are telling yourself. Finally, I said, “All right, so I dominate everybody. But that doesn’t make it hurt any less.” more tomorrow

She raised her arms and locked her hands behind her head. She said, “Untie me.”

I set her breasts free, touched them, tasted them, and stood back again. She said, “More.” I put my arms around her, kissed her mouth, her neck, her breasts, her belly, then slipped the zipper of her skirt and removed it.

She had remembered. More French cut panties, like the first time I had seen her, but these had been transparent even before they were wet. I slipped them off.

She said, “My turn.”

When I was also naked, we got towels from bureau and wiped each other dry. It became a game, and when we could stand the game no longer, we fell upon the bed, clinched, grasping, straining, and trembling toward climax.

Then again. And yet again. Raven was infinite in her variety and inexhaustible. She was frenzied, hungry, insatiable. It was as if she were trying to wrap up a lifetime of lovemaking in one night.

She was.

#          #          #

The morning sun was pale and watery, but it found its way through a crack in the blinds and straight into my eyes. The bedside clock said nine o’clock; late by my standards. I stretched, and found the bed beside me empty. I lay back, listening for sounds of her movement in the bathroom, but the silence came back to mock me.

My clothes were in a damp pile on the floor, but hers were gone. I pulled back the blinds. The sun was weak and rain was threatening. People were crossing the square, but she was not among them. I shook my head, not ready to admit to myself what I had begun to fear.

I found her note propped on the sink.

Ten minutes later I was still sitting on the bed with the unread note crumpled in my hands. I could not open it and admit that what I had feared for weeks had come to be. As long as it remained unread, I could think that it was harmless. She had gone out to cancel our tickets to Rouen, or to buy some little lover’s present.

Finally, I had to open it. She had written:

#          #          #

Ian,

I am not like most people. You surely know that by now. Every day with you has been an adventure, and I thank you for all of them. But love can be bondage, for a person like me. Lately, I have been afraid that I was falling in love with you, and last night I proved to myself that I was. For someone else, that would be cause for happiness. Not for me. It would spell the end of all I have tried to become. Maybe we will meet again some day, and we will no longer be enthralled to one another. Then I can explain. I can’t explain now. The explanation would also tie me to you. I’m sorry. More sorry than you can ever know. 

Raven

#          #          #

“More sorry . . . I doubt that,” I said it to the empty room.

I would be talking to a lot of empty rooms from now on. more tomorrow

Chapter Fifteen

The old clichés are the best ones; that’s how they got to be clichés.

It was dusk when we emerged from the gare. In the shelter of the overhanging roof in front of the open courtyard, a street musician with a saxophone was leaning against the wall, playing sweet and sad. A lonely saxophone playing in the night is a magical thing, and this kid was good. Honey sweet melody poured out of him, filling up the space around him, driving back the street noises and transforming the garish lights and the tawdry shops into something exotic and exciting. We were arrested by the music, hesitating between the bright lights and the dimness of the coming evening beyond.

Then thunder came down and walked about on the rooftops until it seemed as if the pavement shook. The rain came quickly, and there was an audible, collective gasp from the hundreds of pedestrians on the streets and in the square. Like runners at the opening gun, they sprinted for shelter in the gare, and under the overhanging eaves of surrounding shops. The light was lambent and flawless; every tiny detail was clear in those first moments before the rain haze dulled the details. A hundred thousand droplets danced on the street, as water moved in sheets ahead of the sudden wind.

The thunder sounded again, more distant now, and the hiss of rain played a background harmony for the sax. There were twenty of us waiting in the doorway of the gare. Some had been drawn from within by the excitement. Some had taken shelter; they were shaking the rain from their clothing and wiping sudden moisture from their faces. Raven moved closer still, until we touched from ankle to cheek. Her breath was warm against my breath as we spoke softly. She was trembling with excitement, and something more; so was I.

She put her hand on my cheek and turned my face to hers. She leaned up to kiss me, sliding her fingers around behind my head. Her lips squirmed, her tongue came in, and I felt an electric shock from head to heels. When we broke, she whispered, “I can’t wait.”

Sweet Jesus!

Primeval rains were still falling. Across the square, people were sheltered beneath the arches of the Hotel Concorde-St. Lazare. Raven grabbed my hand and we ran. We were wet through in an instant. Her laughter rang out. She kicked the puddled water up in drenching sheets, caught me around the waist and dragged me to a stop in the middle of the square. With the rain driving against our heads we locked together.

In the lobby of the hotel, Raven held center stage. She marched up to the desk and demanded a room. Her cloud of hair had come down around her shoulders in one wet mass. The thin, light material of her tied off blouse had turned to cellophane. The old clerk smiled in appreciation. Two young men in jeans made no pretense of savoire faire. Their heads swiveled right around as Raven passed, and their girlfriends’ faces turned dark with envy.

In the room, she stood back from me, to see me and be seen by me. The rain was beaded on her face, and made twisted runnels on her long, lean legs and her bare arms. Her blouse was wet to absolute transparency – stirring memory. She said, “I was this wet when you first rescued me?”

I nodded.

“But not so much clothed.” She raised her arms and locked her hands behind her head. She said, “Untie me.” more tomorrow